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I haven’t posted in nearly a week. It has been pretty intense lately.
I work for myself. I left my corporate job about a year and a half ago, and am glad I did. I missed So Cal. Turns out I’d rather be conservative in a blue state than liberal in a red state - but I’ll save that for another blog. In addition to missing the left coast (I was in Atlanta), I was burned out. Corporate culture can impact you if you are trying to climb the ladder. I was and it did.
I was talking with friends this weekend. We were celebrating my upcoming birthday (we use birthdays as an excuse for enjoying good company, good food, and good wine). The topic turned to values and current culture. Looking back, I see that I fell into a value trap. I valued money, recognition and prestige. I got them. But the more I got, the less happy I was. I also found that there was never enough - I kept pouring more money in, but the bucket kept getting bigger too. I found that recognition is fleeting, and satisfies for only a moment.
When I was late in my college career, I wanted to be a marriage and family counselor, but got into a research PhD program. You see, I thought a PhD is more prestigious than a master’s degree, I told myself - and the program invited me to apply, it fed right into my ego. I then was going to be a professor. I was all set, too. I knew the right people and was positioned for a career in personality psychology. But I ended up “selling out” for the money. I actually got the chance to do some side teaching at UCLA. I loved it, but by that time I was addicted to the revenue from my full time job, and couldn’t go back. In the end, a PhD is no better than someone without one. A VP at a company is no better than someone who is not. And having things does not satisfy like I thought it would when I had not. What has satisfied? My marriage. My friends. My faith. Doing for others.
I see God’s hand in my corporate journey. I have learned. And God has used me for His ends. At each place I have been, I have been ideally positioned to help someone or some group for the better, at school, at work or in my community. THAT satisfies! But I wish I had taken the direct route to helping others, and not done it “on the side.”
I am working rather hard right now (this month in particular, but the larger “now” as well). I am trying to get off the treadmill. It helps to remember that goal when I start to feel overwhelmed. I need to shrink my bucket so that I can make a switch. To do this, I am in the odd position of actually having to work even harder. But now I have a goal to end the cycle. In the long run, I hope to get retrained as a marriage and family counselor. I think that was my calling - I wish I had listened sooner.
Oh, the picture is of Pismo Beach. I have been working so hard, that I thought it appropriate. Man, I wish I was there!
