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Give me your advice here. Tell me what would you do.
I have been back in CA for almost two years now. When we came, we got our kids into the Catholic school at the parish we had been at before we left for ATL (we had been at that parish for about a year). There was something odd when we got back – the parish had changed. There is a couple who are “running” the parish with some of their “group.” The man in this couple drives me up a wall. He is rude, arrogant, controlling, and (IMHO) disrespectful on the altar (not a good thing for the head of the Eucharistic Ministers and RCIA). He also seems to be able to control the pastor (what this guy says, Father goes along with). It is the least welcoming parish I have ever been in. I still feel an outsider and I am a lector, work bingo, was just put on the School board, and attend weekday Mass there. Lynn teaches music part-time at the school and is involved in the music ministry.
Lynn and I both grew up in strong community parishes. Part of the strength came from the integration with the school and the parish. I am a STRONG supporter of Catholic school. I want God talked about in my kids’ school. I want them to go to Mass with the school. I want school prayer. I want their faith taught and to permeate activities throughout their day. I also highly value the additional opportunity to build community that a school tied to a parish provides.
Recently the pastor has done several things that look like he is against at least this Catholic school. There are no parents on the parish council. He has disallowed school fundraisers. For example he won’t allow the school to sell tickets to an upcoming fundraiser after Mass (even though Religious Ed does for their golf tourney, and the Boy Scouts sell tickets to their breakfast, or the Filipino Association sells tickets to their events). He also canceled a hugely successful after-school Jog-A-Thon fundraiser (raised $20,000) because it ended at 7PM and the head of RCIA (mentioned above) complained that he couldn’t park (his event was at 7PM) – actually he yelled at school members who were organizing it while it was going on. Instead of coming to a Christian compromise (like next year end at 6:30), Father forbid the event if Religious Ed had any activities at any time on a given day (they reserve time everyday, even when they don’t use it – Catch 22). Oh, there are lots of other examples as well, but this gives the flavor.
This has frustrated me to no end, and I have been praying for patience and restraint. Several people have told me that Father would not mind at all if the school closed. I am not sure what to do. This is counter to one of my core values in raising my children and is directly counter to my desire to build community (oh my, is this one in shambles).
What should I do?
When I moved back to So Cal, we got the kids into school first, and then tried to get a home in the parish. We were close, but our home is actually located in another parish. That parish has a strong school that feels a part of the parish AND they have far more respectful Masses. There are other minor pluses as well.
My wife and I went to Mass there today, and the sense of community, the welcoming faces, and the more respectful liturgy all left us (me, Lynn and the kids) with a good feeling.
But we have invested time at the other parish (often with frustration – at least on my part since Lynn is more patient than I am). My wife is a part-time music teacher, and I have been asked on the school board. Do I stay in frustration in what may be a lost cause if the school closes in a couple years? Do I uproot the kids and move to a place where we can build the community we so want, and where our values are more in sync? How do I approach my priest to talk about this? Do I talk to him about it at all?
