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At Catholic Dads, there has been some discussions on the pluses and minuses of NFP (Natural Family Planning - for those who don’t know it is an effective way to plan when children are born without resorting to artificial contraceptives). I don’t want to comment directly on that discussion, but I do want to share my perspective guided by my own experiences on family planning. I am not judging anyone (except perhaps myself), just hoping that insights I have gained from my experience might help a new or soon to be husband.
We got married at 23, and did not have our first child until 28. We planned it that way. We got married knowing that a family was important to us, but the conventional wisdom was to go to school and get financially settled - and we bought that “wisdom.” When we got married, I was just starting five years of graduate school and Mrs. K had a year left as an undergrad and then got a masters degree. We were busy getting set for the “future.” My daughter was born about a month before I finished my dissertation - so we timed it pretty close to plan. That was more than 10 years ago.
Having children changes everything, including how you see the world. As I look back, I regret that we followed the conventional wisdom. I am sorry we waited until we had finished our schooling. The most fulfilling part of my life is my relationship with my wife and children. I waited five years to discover what God had in store for me. Further, it installed a habit of looking at family set against finance and career. My degree has allowed me to do well for myself, but I have found the the more money I have made, the less happy I have been (it takes time to make money). This makes sense when we realize that we are created to love one another, not to be consumers or workaholics. In the end, the conventional wisdom sets up a pattern of choosing financial wellbeing over family life and spiritual wellbeing.
I have some advice to those just setting out, or those waiting to have kids. It stems from my wishing I had done differently. It is this:
Don’t wait to have kids, and don’t limit your love by a number. God will provide what is needed. Have faith.
